Each Romantic Partnership is Unique attachment for couples ideas pair bonding stan tatkin Feb 20, 2013

by Stan Tatkin, PsyD, MFT,
stantatkin.com

Much like a fingerprint, every romantic partnership is unique. The intersubjective, phenomenological system formed between two separate nervous systems can never be exactly replicated, nor is it likely to be fully understood by the participants.

If the...

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Security Questions Require Security Answers arousal assurance attachment for couples ideas maxims prevention relationships responsibility responsiveness safety secure functioning security stan tatkin trust Feb 14, 2013

by Stan Tatkin, PsyD, MFT,
stantatkin.com

Many of you who know my work or take my training have heard me talk about the difference between security questions/security answers and reality questions/reality answers. However, I do not think I have written about this specifically so here we...

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Sit, Down, Stay! arousal attachment avoidance commands for therapists ideas influence maxims prevention regulation stan tatkin teach Feb 13, 2013

by Stan Tatkin, PsyD, MFT,
stantatkin.com

This addendum to my previous post, Train Your Partner, is intended to clarify another important concept in relationship management. So many of us struggle with how to “parent” or “train” our partner when we feel rejected,...

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Train Your Partner attachment for couples ideas love maxims pair bonding partnership persuade stan tatkin teach train Feb 12, 2013

by Stan Tatkin, PsyD, MFT,
stantatkin.com

In case you haven’t heard me say this before, we come to relationships basically feral, untrained, and barely parented. Therefore, as romantic partners we must train one another to be in secure-functioning relationship. This IS NOT accomplished by...

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Am I An Anchor, Island, or Wave? stan tatkin typologies Jan 28, 2013

by Stan Tatkin, PsyD, MFT,
stantatkin.com

So many people get stuck with this issue of “what am I” when it comes diagnostic classifications. Unfortunately I have become part of the problem. In my book, Wired for Love, I introduced what I thought was a friendlier attachment...

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Waiting for Inspiration approach for therapists interventions stan tatkin therapy Dec 30, 2012

by Stan Tatkin, PsyD, MFT,
stantatkin.com

Inspiration should be the guiding incentive for doing interventions, not pressure. Many therapists, including experienced ones, act on pressure rather than from a creative place. Pressure can come in various forms: pressure from the patient, pressure from...

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Find Your Mentor Couple for couples ideas modeling pair bonding parenting prevention stan tatkin Dec 26, 2012

by Stan Tatkin, PsyD, MFT,
stantatkin.com

One of my mentors, Marion Solomon, introduced me to the brilliant idea of mentor couples. Also known as marriage mentors and sponsor couples, this concept originated in the church setting but is becoming increasingly popular. Basically, a mentor...

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Picking the Right Partner biology for couples hormones love lust nature pair bonding picker stan tatkin vetting Oct 28, 2012

by Stan Tatkin, PsyD, MFT,
stantatkin.com

“I always seem to pick the wrong person for long-term relationships. There’s something wrong with my ‘picker.’ I should just give up.”

Many times I have heard this kind of gripe from patients, acquaintances, and friends. While...

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Daily Rekindling of Love arousal for couples for therapists stan tatkin Aug 07, 2012

by Stan Tatkin, PsyD, MFT,
stantatkin.com

Romantic love is an addiction. Although we "feel" romantic love, the feeling is largely the result of a particular brain circuitry and neurochemical cocktail more closely related to the addiction or reward circuit.

Successful long term couples understand...

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Scratching the Right Itch arousal for couples maxims stan tatkin Jun 15, 2012

by Stan Tatkin, PsyD, MFT,
stantatkin.com

Do you ever have an itch on your back you can't scratch yourself? Do you ever ask your partner to scratch that itch only to be frustrated when he or she continually misses the "right spot?" Missing the spot once or twice is forgivable. But what about...

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Tortoises and Hares arousal for couples for therapists stan tatkin Jun 15, 2012

by Stan Tatkin, PsyD, MFT,
stantatkin.com

Quite different from Airplanes and Submarines are Tortoises and Hares. While the former points to arousal preference for either high sympathetic or low parasympathetic states, the latter refers to mental processing speed, or "RPMs" as I like to call it....

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Airplanes and Submarines arousal for couples stan tatkin typology Jun 05, 2012

by Stan Tatkin, PsyD, MFT,
stantatkin.com

Airplanes and submarines are quite different from one another. They both travel up and down, with sea level often as their starting point. However, their atmospheres are quite different as is the speed with which they travel. Different as well are their...

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