"Where was Stan Tatkin when I was dating? I highly recommend Wired for Dating to anyone who is ready for a secure-functioning relationship. Tatkin addresses the scientific, psychobiological, neurobiological, and intricate ways of the nervous system within the realm of dating, and does so in an utterly readable, practically applicable, wise, and entertaining way."
"Reading Stan Tatkin’s book makes you want to be in therapy with him. With intense and fearless clarity, he takes you into the trenches of the combative human brain and shows you how to make love, not war."
"Stan Tatkin has written the best manual on premarital preparation that we know. Everyone in a committed relationship or on their way to the altar should read this book before they go any further."
"Stan Tatkin understands the human heart and how to build a loving partnership and keep it burning bright. This book is packed with solid science, the newest psychology, and astute advice. I am using it myself. It’s a gem."
"Stan Tatkin’s heartfelt wisdom offers many practical skills to guide you and your partner toward secure functioning—and in a deeply perceptive, precise, and appropriately playful way. He is a true master of matches."
"Inclusive and filled with suggestions, We Do is an ideal book for anybody interested in enhancing their relationship and for psychotherapists who want to provide great tools for their clients."
Committing fully to a loving partnership—a “we”—can be one of the most beautiful and fulfilling experiences you’ll ever have. Yet as anyone in a long-term relationship will tell you, it can also be one of the most challenging. Almost half of all first marriages end in divorce, and chances go down from there. So how do you beat the odds?
“All successful long-term relationships are secure relationships,” writes psychotherapist Stan Tatkin. “You and your partner take care of each other in a way that ensures you both feel safe, protected, accepted, and secure at all times.”
In We Do, Tatkin provides a groundbreaking guide for couples. You’ll figure out whether you and your partner are right for each other in the long term, and if so, give your relationship a strong foundation so you can enjoy a secure and lasting love.
Common interests, physical attraction, shared values, and good communication skills are the factors most commonly thought to indicate a good partnership. Yet surprisingly, current research reveals that these are only a small part of what makes for a healthy marriage—much more important are psychological and biological influences. With We Do, you’ll learn to navigate these elements and more, giving your relationship the best possible chance to succeed.
Why do couples fight? Here’s a hint—it’s not about who puts the dishes away. “Conflicts with our primary partners are rarely about what we think they are,” teaches renowned psychotherapist Stan Tatkin, “An invisible host of factors in our brains and bodies plays into every encounter we have.” With Relationship Rx, Tatkin unpacks the real causes of common relationship challenges with humor and compassion, offering a comprehensive program to help couples restore and sustain the love that brought them together.
A nuts-and-bolts program to heal your most common relationship challenges
Throughout Relationship Rx, Tatkin focuses on the real-life conflicts that all couples face —money, time, chores, sex, kids, betrayal, decision-making, and more. Drawing from his Psychobiological Approach to Couple Therapy® (PACT), Tatkin teaches us how our attachment styles, nervous systems, and unique backgrounds impact every interaction we have. “We’ve come so far in our understanding of the human condition, how we’re wired, and our relationships,” Tatkin says, “Using this new knowledge gives us the power actually to change the way we relate instead of just wishing things were different.”
Through targeted lessons, practical tools, and sample dialogues with Tatkin’s insightful commentary, couples will learn to heal past conflicts and navigate even the most contentious topics with understanding and respect. Whether you’re tired of little misunderstandings or are in full-on crisis mode, Relationship Rx will help you find relief—and real love—once again.
In the age of online dating, finding a real connection can seem more daunting than ever! So, why not stack the odds of finding the right person in your favor? This book offers simple, proven-effective principles drawn from neuroscience and attachment theory to help you find the perfect mate.
Everybody wants someone to love and spend time with, and searching for your ideal partner is a natural and healthy human tendency. Just about everyone dates at some point in their lives, yet few really understand what they’re doing or how to get the best results. In Wired for Dating, published by New Harbinger, psychologist and relationship expert Stan Tatkin—author of Wired for Love—offers powerful tips based in neuroscience and attachment theory to help you find a compatible mate and go on to create a fabulous relationship.
Using real-life scenarios, you’ll learn key concepts about how people become attracted to potential partners, move toward or away from commitment, and the important role the brain and nervous system play in this process. Each chapter explores the scientific concepts of attachment theory, arousal regulation, and neuroscience. And with a little practice, you’ll learn to apply these exercises and practical techniques to your dating life.
Wired for Love, published by New Harbinger (2012), with a foreword by Harville Hendrix, is a complete insider’s guide to understanding your partner’s brain and promoting love and trust within a romantic relationship. You will learn ten scientific principles you can use to avoid triggering fear and panic in your partner, manage your partner’s emotional reactions when he or she does become upset, and recognize when your brain’s threat response is hindering your ability to act in a loving way. By learning to use simple gestures and words, you will be able to put out emotional fires and help your partner feel more safe and secure. The no-fault view of conflict in this book encourages you to move past a “warring brain” mentality and toward a more cooperative “loving brain” understanding of your relationship. Based in the sound science of neurobiology, attachment theory, and emotion regulation research, this book is essential reading for couples and others interested in understanding the complex dynamics at work behind love and trust in intimate relationships.
“Understand your brain, improve your relationships.” That’s what Stan Tatkin has learned from his leading-edge work as a researcher and couple therapist. In this complete audio learning program, he merges current insights from neurobiology and attachment theory to help you shift out of conflict and into deeper and more loving connections.
You’ll first learn to identify attachment styles–patterns of intimacy that begin in the earliest years–both in yourself and in those around you. Then Tatkin guides you through his proven principles and practices for building enduring security and commitment between partners, family members, and others whom you love.
A baby is a blessing—and also a completely life-altering event. If you’re like many new parents, nothing could have fully prepared you for the exhaustion of late-night feedings, the explosive diapers, the evaporation of your free time, the pure joy, and the moments of pure terror. In the midst of these hazy, early months, it’s normal to feel overwhelmed. And when you’re overwhelmed, it’s easy to put your romantic relationship on the back burner. But, more and more, research shows that in order to be the best parents you can be, you and your partner need to make sure that your needs—as a couple—are also met.
Written by a psychologist and relationship expert, Baby Bomb offers powerful tools based in psychology and neurobiology to help you and your partner co-parent and co-partner as a solid and supportive team—while also cultivating mad love for each other! You’ll find more than just “tips” for better parenting and partnering; you’ll discover how a secure-functioning relationship is essential for raising happy, healthy kids.
This isn’t a book with advice about how to have a romantic candlelit dinner while your baby is screaming in the other room. It’s a road map for getting on the same page about your expectations as parents, about your needs as humans, and about how to maintain a strong and lasting relationship in the face of, well, a baby bomb.
by Marion Solomon and Stan Tatkin, PsyD, MFT
Neuroscience and couples therapy come together to help couples break patterns of bad behavior. What happens between partners that makes love turn to war? How can couples therapists help deescalate the battles? Two leading therapists apply the latest neuroscience research on emotional arousal to help couples regulate each other’s emotions, maintain secure attachment, and foster positive, enduring relationships. The neurobiologically-grounded and sensitive approach set forth by Solomon and Tatkin in this book is sure to transform the way clinicians understand and treat couples in therapy.
"Bravo, Stan Tatkin, for writing a truly useful book about dating: what to look for; how to handle Internet dating sites; what to know about yourself; how to vet potential partners; and how to proceed in a level-headed fashion toward finding life’s greatest prize—a long-term successful partnership. Moreover, it’s got poetry, a grounded understanding of neuroscience and attachment theory, excellent questions and exercises, and really smart advice. I learned a lot. It’s a special book."
"People entering into relationships today need this book more than ever. Wired for Dating goes beyond simply being a guide on increasing your chances of successful dating; Stan Tatkin, PsyD, provides a science-based approach filled with valuable insights and techniques that can give us the ability to create more enduring and richer relationships. This book can transform the culture we live in today!"
"Perhaps nothing is as pivotal in creating enduring and satisfying relationships as the intricate dance of dating. Stan Tatkin has found a way to make the complexities of this elusive process clear, without diluting the science and clinical practice that inform this central life issue. Wired for Dating is a flexible and supportive guide for those running the relationship gauntlet, as well as a significant contribution to emotionally based therapies."
"The best step-by-step manual for how to conduct yourself on a first date, vet a prospective partner, and keep yourself from inadvertently destroying the relationship.” "
"If you are thinking about starting to date, are excited about a person you recently met, or have met the love of your life, you will find reading this book an eye-opening experience. Stan Tatkin has succeeded in integrating attachment and neuroscience research as he takes us on a wonderful journey through the worlds of dating, mating, and love.” "
"Stan Tatkin’s Wired for Dating is a wonderful, supportive guide to self- and relationship discovery. It is filled with nuggets of wisdom that make it easy to answer some of the toughest dating questions. Using Tatkin’s psychobiological approach, you can navigate dating with much more grace. You have a way to identify serious red flags, as well as the exercises and skills to build a long-term successful partnership. Now you can choose a life partner with confidence and the clarity that you are right for each other. Reading Wired for Dating is one of the most important decisions you will make in your mating life.” "
"Stan Tatkin’s marvelous and intelligent guide gives you the total map when you seek a partner worthy of your efforts and ask the important question, ‘Is this the right one for me?’ Tatkin shows you how to use both sides of your powerful brain and finally make the right decision. The heart meets science, and you’re the winner. He takes the mystery out of dating so you can enjoy the mystery of being with the person you really love. Now you can date with a safety net, and enjoy the journey as the genuine magic happens."
"I really enjoyed this book and learned a lot from it that I can use as a therapist. Stan Tatkin is a great innovator. This book is a must for every couples’ therapist’s library."