by Stan Tatkin, PsyD, MFT,
stantatkin.com
This addendum to my previous post, Train Your Partner, is intended to clarify another important concept in relationship management. So many of us struggle with how to âparentâ or âtrainâ our partner when we feel rejected, dismissed, ignored, or flat out resi...
by Stan Tatkin, PsyD, MFT,
stantatkin.com
In case you havenât heard me say this before, we come to relationships basically feral, untrained, and barely parented. Therefore, as romantic partners we must train one another to be in secure-functioning relationship. This IS NOT accomplished by whining, c...
by Stan Tatkin, PsyD, MFT,
stantatkin.com
So many people get stuck with this issue of âwhat am Iâ when it comes diagnostic classifications. Unfortunately I have become part of the problem. In my book, Wired for Love, I introduced what I thought was a friendlier attachment terminology: secure = ancho...
by Stan Tatkin, PsyD, MFT,
stantatkin.com
Inspiration should be the guiding incentive for doing interventions, not pressure. Many therapists, including experienced ones, act on pressure rather than from a creative place. Pressure can come in various forms: pressure from the patient, pressure from
...by Stan Tatkin, PsyD, MFT,
stantatkin.com
One of my mentors, Marion Solomon, introduced me to the brilliant idea of mentor couples. Also known as marriage mentors and sponsor couples, this concept originated in the church setting but is becoming increasingly popular. Basically, a mentor couple is on...
by Stan Tatkin, PsyD, MFT,
stantatkin.com
âI always seem to pick the wrong person for long-term relationships. Thereâs something wrong with my âpicker.â I should just give up.â
Many times I have heard this kind of gripe from patients, acquaintances, and friends. While I understand why someone might...
by Stan Tatkin, PsyD, MFT,
stantatkin.com
Romantic love is an addiction. Although we "feel" romantic love, the feeling is largely the result of a particular brain circuitry and neurochemical cocktail more closely related to the addiction or reward circuit.
Successful long term couples understand ho...
by Stan Tatkin, PsyD, MFT,
stantatkin.com
Do you ever have an itch on your back you can't scratch yourself? Do you ever ask your partner to scratch that itch only to be frustrated when he or she continually misses the "right spot?" Missing the spot once or twice is forgivable. But what about missing...
by Stan Tatkin, PsyD, MFT,
stantatkin.com
Quite different from Airplanes and Submarines are Tortoises and Hares. While the former points to arousal preference for either high sympathetic or low parasympathetic states, the latter refers to mental processing speed, or "RPMs" as I like to call it. Ther...
by Stan Tatkin, PsyD, MFT,
stantatkin.com
Airplanes and submarines are quite different from one another. They both travel up and down, with sea level often as their starting point. However, their atmospheres are quite different as is the speed with which they travel. Different as well are their pers...
by Stan Tatkin, PsyD, MFT,
stantatkin.com
Our brain is biased toward making war than love. Our brainstem and lower limbic structures are always on the lookout for threat and danger. And painful memories are more easily made than pleasurable ones. This bias serves the human imperative "thou shalt not...
by Stan Tatkin, PsyD, MFT,
stantatkin.com
This is based on the principle that adult romantic primary attachment relationships are more difficult because of their psychobiological weight -- memories, expectations, fears, threats to security, etc. Primary partners tend to become "deep family." Like it...
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