The Ten Commandments for a Secure-Functioning Relationship attachment for couples ideas pair bonding partnership prevention secure functioning stan tatkin vetting Dec 26, 2013

by Stan Tatkin, PsyD, MFT,
stantatkin.com

  1. Thou shalt protect the safety and security of thy relationship at all costs.
  2. Thou shalt base thy relationship on true mutuality, remembering that all decisions and actions must be good for thee AND for thine partner.
  3. Thou shalt not threaten the existence...
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No Pain No Gain brain for therapist ideas maxims pact pair bonding secure functioning stan tatkin stance therapy Dec 11, 2013

by Stan Tatkin, PsyD, MFT,
stantatkin.com

Therapy is only useful for changing people who are experiencing sufficient distress. This is not to say that education, consultation, or brief counseling will have no effect. People often benefit from couple counseling for premarital or other short-term...

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On Being Found arousal attachment dog dopamine eyes for couples love mutual regulation pair bonding stan tatkin Nov 09, 2013

by Stan Tatkin, PsyD, MFT,
stantatkin.com

A study by Nagasawa and his colleagues in Japan (2009) some years ago involving dogs and their owners found that if a dog looked into its owner’s eyes by finding the gaze first, the owner’s oxytocin levels went up. (I suspect dopamine might...

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Arousal Regulation and Mindfulness for Couples arousal for couples meditation mutual regulation partnership regulation stan tatkin Sep 16, 2013

by Stan Tatkin, PsyD, MFT,
stantatkin.com

In PACT, we talk about various strategies for emotional and arousal regulation. Auto-regulation is a process of self-management that is internally focused, energy conserving (because it doesn’t involve interactions with people), and somewhat...

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Folie à deux attachment couples for couples ideas isolation madness pair bonding prevention social engagement stan tatkin Aug 31, 2013

by Stan Tatkin, PsyD, MFT,
stantatkin.com

As a species, we are more herdlike than we are hermetic. Both tendencies exist in our society, but we tend to be happier and healthier when we herd as a group together than when we isolate ourselves. In fact, it has been established that even individuals...

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Partnering Up: Falling From Space (or Grace) attachment courtship for couples mature love pair bonding prevention rocket stages stan tatkin typologies Aug 15, 2013

by Stan Tatkin, PsyD, MFT,
stantatkin.com

Stages of Courtship

I realize this is a rather lax stage theory of courtship, so forgive me in advance for using a rocket analogy to describe how relationships get off the ground. But understand, I’ve had rockets on my mind for several years while thinking about...

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Be Attractive, Not Scary arousal attachment attraction couple bubble for couples maxims stan tatkin Jun 15, 2013

by Stan Tatkin, PsyD, MFT,
stantatkin.com

Having a “couple bubble” helps maintain a safe and secure ecosystem that keeps intruding, destructive elements away. The world inside the couple bubble should be more safe, more secure, more encouraging, and less stressful than the world...

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Attraction to Psychological Approaches approaches couples for therapists ideas pact pair bonding stan tatkin theories Apr 14, 2013

by Stan Tatkin, PsyD, MFT,
stantatkin.com

I’m an avid lover of theory, all kinds of theory—psychoanalytic, systems, humanistic-existential, and so on. I think my appreciation of theories grows as I age, as does my appreciation of people, relationships, music, art, and politics. As I...

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A Moment of Clarification on Mindfulness conference ideas stan tatkin Mar 11, 2013

by Stan Tatkin, PsyD, MFT,
stantatkin.com

Last weekend I had the pleasure of presenting at the UCLA conference on How People Change: Relationships and Neuroplasticity in Psychotherapy. I was among some of the best of the best: Dan Siegel, Irvin Yalom, Peter Levine, Bruce Perry, Mary Pipher,...

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Each Romantic Partnership is Unique attachment for couples ideas pair bonding stan tatkin Feb 20, 2013

by Stan Tatkin, PsyD, MFT,
stantatkin.com

Much like a fingerprint, every romantic partnership is unique. The intersubjective, phenomenological system formed between two separate nervous systems can never be exactly replicated, nor is it likely to be fully understood by the participants.

If the...

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Security Questions Require Security Answers arousal assurance attachment for couples ideas maxims prevention relationships responsibility responsiveness safety secure functioning security stan tatkin trust Feb 14, 2013

by Stan Tatkin, PsyD, MFT,
stantatkin.com

Many of you who know my work or take my training have heard me talk about the difference between security questions/security answers and reality questions/reality answers. However, I do not think I have written about this specifically so here we...

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Sit, Down, Stay! arousal attachment avoidance commands for therapists ideas influence maxims prevention regulation stan tatkin teach Feb 13, 2013

by Stan Tatkin, PsyD, MFT,
stantatkin.com

This addendum to my previous post, Train Your Partner, is intended to clarify another important concept in relationship management. So many of us struggle with how to “parent” or “train” our partner when we feel rejected,...

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