by Stan Tatkin, PsyD, MFT,
stantatkin.com
I realize this is a rather lax stage theory of courtship, so forgive me in advance for using a rocket analogy to describe how relationships get off the ground. But understand, I’ve had rockets on my mind for several years while thinking about success and f
...by Stan Tatkin, PsyD, MFT,
stantatkin.com
Having a “couple bubble” helps maintain a safe and secure ecosystem that keeps intruding, destructive elements away. The world inside the couple bubble should be more safe, more secure, more encouraging, and less stressful than the world outside the bubble. ...
by Stan Tatkin, PsyD, MFT,
stantatkin.com
Much like a fingerprint, every romantic partnership is unique. The intersubjective, phenomenological system formed between two separate nervous systems can never be exactly replicated, nor is it likely to be fully understood by the participants.
If the noti...
by Stan Tatkin, PsyD, MFT,
stantatkin.com
Many of you who know my work or take my training have heard me talk about the difference between security questions/security answers and reality questions/reality answers. However, I do not think I have written about this specifically so here we go….
Many p...
by Stan Tatkin, PsyD, MFT,
stantatkin.com
In case you haven’t heard me say this before, we come to relationships basically feral, untrained, and barely parented. Therefore, as romantic partners we must train one another to be in secure-functioning relationship. This IS NOT accomplished by whining, c...
by Stan Tatkin, PsyD, MFT,
stantatkin.com
One of my mentors, Marion Solomon, introduced me to the brilliant idea of mentor couples. Also known as marriage mentors and sponsor couples, this concept originated in the church setting but is becoming increasingly popular. Basically, a mentor couple is on...
by Stan Tatkin, PsyD, MFT,
stantatkin.com
“I always seem to pick the wrong person for long-term relationships. There’s something wrong with my ‘picker.’ I should just give up.”
Many times I have heard this kind of gripe from patients, acquaintances, and friends. While I understand why someone might...
by Stan Tatkin, PsyD, MFT,
stantatkin.com
Romantic love is an addiction. Although we "feel" romantic love, the feeling is largely the result of a particular brain circuitry and neurochemical cocktail more closely related to the addiction or reward circuit.
Successful long term couples understand ho...
by Stan Tatkin, PsyD, MFT,
stantatkin.com
Do you ever have an itch on your back you can't scratch yourself? Do you ever ask your partner to scratch that itch only to be frustrated when he or she continually misses the "right spot?" Missing the spot once or twice is forgivable. But what about missing...
by Stan Tatkin, PsyD, MFT,
stantatkin.com
Quite different from Airplanes and Submarines are Tortoises and Hares. While the former points to arousal preference for either high sympathetic or low parasympathetic states, the latter refers to mental processing speed, or "RPMs" as I like to call it. Ther...
by Stan Tatkin, PsyD, MFT,
stantatkin.com
Airplanes and submarines are quite different from one another. They both travel up and down, with sea level often as their starting point. However, their atmospheres are quite different as is the speed with which they travel. Different as well are their pers...
