More Than Thank You: A Practice for Everyday Gratitude

As the holiday season approaches, many of us are reminded to pause and reflect on gratitude. For PACT Institute cofounder Tracey Boldemann-Tatkin, PhD, AMFT, gratitude is not just a seasonal theme — it’s a daily year-long practice that sustains her as a clinician, partner, and teacher. 

Gratitude may seem like a simple concept, but in relationships — both personal and professional — it can be transformative. 

Tracey, who recently began her own journey as a practicing clinician, reflects on how her perspective on gratitude has evolved, the role it plays in her life, and how couples can bring a practice of gratitude into their own lives.

Gratitude as a Clinician

As a newly practicing therapist working with kids, couples, and individuals, Tracey describes a deep sense of appreciation for the trust her clients place in her.

“I have such gratitude for the vulnerability that my clients bring to me,” Tracey said. “They allow me to understand their past, to see what shaped them, and to help repair the damaged parts of their relationships or their self-worth. That trust is extraordinary.

“Between clients, I remind myself, They are trusting me to walk this journey with them. How could I not be grateful?”

Like many therapists, Tracey sees clients back-to-back. Before each session, she takes a few minutes to center herself — planting both feet on the floor, scanning her body, reviewing notes, and practicing simple box breathing.

This grounding practice keeps her calm, present, and connected — something couples can also use in their daily routines — especially when stress or conflict arises.

Gratitude in Couple Relationships

Tracey describes one of her favorite exercises for couples as simple but powerful: at bedtime, share three things you’re grateful for from the day. These don’t have to be about your partner directly — they can be about anything. Over time though, gratitude for the small things tends to spill over into gratitude for the relationship itself.

Tracey recognizes that gratitude doesn’t always come easily. “Sometimes you’re upset, and that’s real,” she adds. “Gratitude doesn’t mean ignoring your feelings. It means holding both truths: I’m upset, and I’m still grateful for what I have.”

For couples, this might sound something like, “I’m really angry about what you did, and I still love you.”

You don’t need to force gratitude when it feels out of reach. It’s important to show up as your authentic self, “but try to meet your partner where they are, and try to hold the space until gratitude can emerge.” To get there, Tracey advocates for being patient with yourself and your partner.

Gratitude in Community

Tracey also emphasizes how gratitude shows up in her work with therapists who come to the PACT Institute for training. The curiosity, compassion, and skill of clinicians continue to inspire her.

“I’ve always appreciated the therapists we train, but lately I feel an even greater sense of awe. Their questions, their hearts, and their dedication — it leaves me grateful that they’ve chosen PACT as their home for professional growth.”

After a recent PACT Masterclass dinner, she looked around the table at 25 clinicians and felt overcome.

“I was just sitting there, watching and thinking, How lucky am I that these people are part of my world? That sense of gratitude fills me up and reminds me why this work matters.”

A Gentle Assignment

For both couples and clinicians, Tracey offers this invitation to practice everyday gratitude:

Try it for one week. At the end of each day, take three to five minutes to notice something you’re grateful for — whether it’s a partner’s effort, a client’s courage, or even a small kindness from a stranger.

Say it out loud. If it involves another person, tell them why you appreciate them. 

Notice the shift. Expressing gratitude amplifies your own experience of it and can also strengthen connection.

More Than a Quick “Thank You”

Gratitude isn’t about forcing positivity or offering quick thanks before racing off to seemingly more important things. It’s about slowing down, noticing, seeing, and valuing one another. 

Whether you’re a clinician helping couples reconnect or a partner looking to strengthen your own relationship, gratitude offers a simple yet powerful path forward.