Keep Knee to Knee While Mutual Eye-Gazing
PACT Level 3 Therapist
“I’m still not comfortable,” says Sam, jiggling his foot.
Sam and Sandra came to couples therapy because they can’t communicate. I start them in each session with a typical Psychobiologic Approach to Couples Therapy (PACT) [1] mutual eye-gazing exercise [2]. They have just settled into their rolling chairs. I ask that they sit comfortably with their knees touching.
I tell couples to breathe deeply, focus attention on the other's face, and notice every detail. Try not to talk or touch. Sam lasts about 15 seconds and then says, “I don’t like this staring thing.”
I sit on my rolling chair between them, a few feet away. My standard poodle, Hobbes, sits statue-still next to my chair. He looks up into my eyes. I look into his.
Sandra catches our exchange. She returns her gaze to Sam’s. Her eyes well up with tears.
Sam’s eyebrows rise with a question, then collapse into a knitted frown. ...
