Stepping Into Couple Therapy: Wisdom From PACT Certified Clinicians

Stepping into the work of couple therapy often brings a mix of curiosity, hope, and healthy nerves. Even for clinicians with years of individual work behind them, the energy in the room can feel jarring — where two nervous systems, two histories, and two sets of defenses interact in real time. The Psychobiological Approach to Couple Therapy® (PACT) offers a powerful framework for understanding and working within this dynamic space. 

To support therapists who are just beginning this journey — or those contemplating it — PACT Certified clinicians shared their most meaningful advice. Their insights illuminate the mechanics of the model as well as the mindset required to practice PACT with skill and compassion.

Start With Your Own Experience 

Jason Brand, LCSW, emphasizes something many PACT therapists eventually discover: your own embodied experience of the model matters. Before he ever sat in the therapist’s chair as a PACT practitioner, he attended a Wired for Love retreat with his wife.

He says, “I really don’t know if I would have kept going if [my wife] and I were not both believers in the model.”

Experiencing PACT from the inside out gives couple therapists a felt sense of secure‑functioning principles in real life. It also builds empathy for the vulnerability couples bring into the room. 

Several clinicians echoed this sentiment, including Vanessa Morgan, MFT, who found participating in PACT therapy with her husband invaluable. “It has given my husband and me an embodied bottom‑up approach to understanding PACT,” she says.

For therapists new to PACT, this is a powerful reminder: PACT is not just a set of techniques — it’s a lived experience of secure functioning among partners.

Trust the Model, Even When You’re Nervous

Many therapists stepping into couple therapy feel apprehension before they start working with couples: What if they start fighting? What if I can’t control the room?  

Krista Jordan, PhD, remembers this vividly. “I remember being afraid of watching people fight,” she says.

But she also discovered that PACT offers a robust, flexible framework for intervening — whether partners are highly conflicted, shut down, or simply lacking connection. “I had to get up the nerve to just try things and trust the process,” Jordan explains.

This is a core PACT lesson: the therapist is not there to referee. Instead, you’re there to guide partners toward secure‑functioning behaviors, using nervous system awareness, moment‑to‑moment tracking, and attuned, bottom-up interventions.

Take Your Time

PACT integrates attachment theory, developmental neuroscience, and arousal regulation. It’s not something you master quickly. And that’s okay.

Analisa Macias, MA, LPC, encourages new therapists to embrace the slow unfolding of competence. She says, “Start where you are and slowly integrate PACT principles and skills into your work… Take your time, enjoy the learning, and apply it with intuition and creativity.”

Regulate Yourself First

In PACT, the therapist’s nervous system is their superpower.

According to Morgan, “To be an effective couple therapist, you must be able to regulate your nervous system and maintain impeccable boundaries — kind but firm.”

Couples will pull you into their patterns. They will test your neutrality and your ability to hold the frame. Your regulated presence becomes the foundation that allows partners to self‑regulate, reconnect, and begin to try new ways of relating, Morgan says.

Keep Learning, and Stay Connected

Every PACT therapist interviewed emphasized one thing: you don’t grow in this model alone. Formal training is essential. As Lisa Rabinowitz, LCPC, puts it, “I would advise getting training with PACT to really understand all of the complexities of couples.” 

Ben Trelease, LMHC, believes that couple therapy training in multiple models can broaden your perspective and adds that alongside training, learning in community is where the work really deepens. 

Similarly, Brand credits regular consultation groups with shaping his understanding and his therapeutic voice. 

Lilian Borges, LPC, a PACT Level 1 instructor, encourages new therapists to lean on the many resources available — case consultation, peer groups, and the PACT library and videos. “Keep learning, incrementally, and it will all make sense,” she says. 

And she reminds clinicians to notice their progress along the way: “Always look back at what you’ve learned, and appreciate how far you’ve come. In PACT, each training, each consultation, each workshop adds another layer to your confidence and your skill.”