Loss Avoidance Complicates Principled Romantic Relationships
By Stan Tatkin, PsyD, MFT
Originally published in Science of Psychotherapy, July 2022
Introduction
As a couple therapist, I struggle with partners every day who seem primarily to follow their feelings and emotions when attempting to govern each other. These couples exist without a shared, co-created relationship architecture, ethos, purpose, or vision that would otherwise guide them. No other union would form in this manner, for people generally unionize around a common purpose and vision that binds them, focuses them, and overrides their differences.
Often people form alliances because they must for survival of all kinds — physical, economic, spiritual, psychological, and cultural. Professional entities, such as a sports team, an actor troupe, a musical group, or a business partnership form collaborations in order to gain something. Still others will create limited alliances for trade and commerce. Some workers are forced by circumstance, as in a dangerous job, to have each other’s backs and protect each other from foes, such as cop car partners, a military troop, or fire fighters...
